


4Something

by Disoryented



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:54:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23583430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Disoryented/pseuds/Disoryented
Summary: "My heart bleeds for you. It always will."He can feel Jaehyun's breath against his lips when he says, "I wish it didn't."
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Mark Lee/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas
Comments: 39
Kudos: 121





	4Something

**Author's Note:**

> Hey demons. It's me YA BOI!!  
> Okay some points!!
> 
> 1\. I DIDN'T WANT TO TAG EVERYTHING BECAUSE I WANTED IT TO KIND OF BE A SURPRISE! I'M SORRY IT HURT ME MORE THAN IT HURTS YOU!  
> No rape, no violence and not really any trigger warnings. It's just SAD OKAY. BUT THERE IS LIKE 90% FLUFF
> 
> 2\. Sorry if there are still mistakes.  
> 3\. This is originally the first fic I ever announced on my twitter. I am very happy that I am able to post it now.  
> 4\. I am very inconsistent. Maybe you'll notice it throughout the story, but I loved how it came out. I hope what I wanted is portrayed.
> 
> ENJOY!! o(^▽^)o

_What would you live for?_

✽

_04yrs 44days 13 hrs 52min 19sec_

_-_

Johnny, wasn’t sure what he was doing here. Walking through a semi crowded park at noon. Children darting around his feet, left and right as he dodged the worried mothers rushing after them. One of these, hair disheveled and groceries in hand, stopped to apologize. He simply smiled, waved at her quietly so she knew he didn’t mind, before pointing to her son. Her head whipped around, shouting out his name and then she was rushing over the grass plain to retrieve her son.

Johnny lifted his camera, snapping a shot just before she reached him. He let out a soft chuckle when she started lecturing him. Remembering when his own mom would do that to him. Young Johnny sprinting over glass plains, screaming that no man would conquer him.

“I’m no man-,” his mother laughed when she finally caught him, tickling him as they rolled in the grass. “-but, if a man _were_ to ever conquer you. I hope he’ll be a good man.”

Johnny had looked at her funnily, no idea what she was talking about. His mother smiled, ruffling his hair. “When you’re older, you’ll understand.”

He was pulled from his thoughts when another small rebel finally crashed into him, another mother apologizing for her son’s bad behavior. Two is enough Johnny decided, walking up the brick path to leave this specific area. He head deeper into the park, where the trees were closer together and the only people were elderly couples and the random midday jogger.

He let out a sigh, taking in the fresh spring air. This was much better, though he still didn’t know why he was here. He continued up the path, watched the different array of flowers, plants and tiny statues situated amongst the many trees. All beautiful, but not what he was looking for.

He had left on a whim, tired of working on the spring pictures his latest client had ordered. It wasn’t usual for Johnny to be bored, especially not with his job. Photography was his calling, he really didn’t see himself doing anything else, but today it felt so off being in his studio. Like he had somewhere to be, somewhere that wasn’t there. So frustrated and unable to work he set out and now he found himself here, in a park with trees. He huffed, running a hand through his hair and deciding to just get a coffee, _again_ , before heading back home.

It was only when he was heading back down the path that he noticed the smaller path between the trees, hiding in plain sight. As if only now it was making itself known. Johnny stared down the path. The trees only let slits of sunshine seep through the leaves, giving it an enchanted vibe. He imagined that is what Alice must have seen when she walked through the forest or something along those lines. The roots of the nearby trees were big and old, breaking through the path and unearthing the stones laid down to lead you, but it was beautiful.

Johnny finally realized he had just been standing there for maybe like five minutes before he decided to just head down the path. Partly curious what he would find, partly irritated that he was just staring at a path, like seriously it’s just a path. _A pretty path_ , his brain supplied as he watched it turn. Some more of those small statues present. Vines twist around the park lanterns, small flowers blooming here and there. He was so absorbed in admiring the scenery that he didn’t realize how far down he was, he snapped out of it when he was approached a stone arch. The trees finally dispersed and allowed you to see the sky again. There was a pond, small but clean. The surrounding area enclosed by trees, secluding it from the outside world. Ducks swam silently over the sparkling water. It was quite the view, but what really caught Johnny’s eye was the man.

There was a man on a stone bench. He was sat under the large tree by the pond and seemed to not have noticed Johnny’s presence.

It was like a moment in time. One that you would see at the start or end of movies and Johnny couldn’t help but lift his camera. Snapping a shot just as the wind picked up, the man’s hair flowing quietly as it clicked, saving the shot forever.

He perks up at the camera’s click, turns around and looks straight into the lens, straight at Johnny. Johnny’s breath hitches when he sees his face. Almond eyes, straight nose and pink lips. He has a strong jaw, but he seems so soft. So soft as the wind blows through his dark hair. Johnny wants to take another shot, wants to capture this moment in time, but he knows better. Not everyone likes it when a stranger takes their picture. So he slowly lowers his camera. Eyes still fixed on the unknown man. It seemed like the longer he stared, the more he took in, the more he couldn’t look away.

“Hello,” he finally let out. “I’m sorry. It just seemed like the perfect shot.”

The man blinks slowly.

“Oh,” is the first thing _he_ let out, before shaking his head. “Oh no, It’s fine.” He says in a deep soothing voice, his eyebrows knitting together.

“Hello.”

Johnny smiles, “Hello.”

The man shakes his head again, “I apologize. I’m not used to people coming here.”

“Well, I don’t usually come here.” Johnny is getting more curious by the second, the stranger effortlessly pulling him in, probably against his will. There is just something about him, besides that he’s the most beautiful person Johnny has ever seen. Wow he’s handsome. Johnny tilts his head, takes in his features again.

“What brings you here then?”  
It’s Johnny’s turn to blink. “Huh,” he looks over the pond then, a little confused. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“No. I just…,” his eyebrows also knit together, “came here by chance,” is what he said, but something inside him was finally calm, finally at ease, like he was meant to be here? It was silent for a moment, only the sound of the leaves bristling filling the surrounding area.

“ _Well_ ,” the man started again, mimicking Johnny’s speech pattern, “Even if it was just by chance. It’s a beautiful day, so I guess it was worth it?” He moved a bit, gesturing for Johnny to sit down.

A smile tugs at his lips when he closes the short distance between them, sinks onto the bench and stretches out his legs. “It _is_ a beautiful day,” he agrees, looking over the pond before his eyes trail to the man again.

  
“What?” he asks softly.

“I don’t know. I just feel like- I’m supposed to be here.” He huffs, apologizing again. “That’s weird to say to someone you’ve just met.”

Something flickers in the man’s eyes. This close Johnny can see how flawless his skin is, a small mole on his cheek and how long and beautiful his lashes are. His eyes, dark, deep and oh my God Johnny is staring.

The man looks away over the pond and Johnny thinks he’s crept him out, but then he looks back. “Maybe you were supposed to meet me.”

It sounds more like a statement than a question. “Do _you_ believe that?”

The man purses his lips and goes, “Nope, not really.” And Johnny laughs.

“I like you stranger.” He sticks out his hand, “I’m Johnny.”

The man’s face breaks into a smile for the first time then, dimples appearing in his cheeks as his eyes turn into crescents and ultimately take the remainder of Johnny’s breath away. Johnny stares in stunned silence as he takes his hand.

“Jaehyun.”

\---

He ends up asking Jaehyun to coffee, like he does with most people he’s taken a liking to. Pleased to know that Jaehyun himself likes a good coffee once in a while.  
“So,“ Johnny places down his cup after taking a sip, “Why were you in the park today?”

He would have asked sooner, but Jaehyun was too busy explaining to Johnny that he didn’t believe in ghosts. This was funny, because he claimed he did in fact believe in aliens. Johnny looked at him in disbelieve and Jaehyun had lifted his arms, eyes widening as he explained theories and facts rivaling those of sci-fi movies.

“I am willing to listen to all your theories, but only if you join me for coffee.”

Jaehyun stilled, eyes narrowing. “Is this so you can get rid of me or...”

  
“I genuinely want to listen to you, but I also want coffee.” Johnny smiled. “And why would I want to get rid of you?”

“Because you’re lying to yourself and realized I have a point about aliens, but you’re not willing to just accept the truth.”

Johnny laughed so loud his eyes started tearing up. He claimed that he wasn’t lying to himself, because he did believe in aliens. Jaehyun smiled then, happily agreeing on joining him for coffee and talking nonstop all the way to the café.

Jaehyun hums, eyes staring up at a point on the ceiling while he thinks. Cup clasped in his hands, the steam coming up slowly, right before his eyes. In the café Jaehyun has a completely different aura. It was the same when they were walking here. If Johnny had to put it into words, he’d say: _He claims all the attention in the room or area. His presence making time stop and everything revolve around him instead. There is no real view to admire, because Jaehyun is the view._

“I needed to think.” He placed down his cup, eyes coming to meet Johnny’s. “I go there to think.”

“About?”

He shrugs. “Anything, from what you’re going to have for dinner, to _Why does this guy keep coming in to buy flowers for sixteen different women?”_

Johnny laughs lightly. “So you’re a florist then? That’s kind of surprising.“

“Is it now? What makes you say that mister photographer?” Jaehyun teases.  
Johnny eyebrows shoot up. “How did you-”

“Know?” Jaehyun finished with a proud smile on his face.

“The way you dress.”

“Is that a compliment or an insult?”

Jaehyun smiles, “A compliment.” Johnny thinks he wants to see him smile all the time, on any day, forever. It hasn’t even been two hours mister Suh. Get yourself together. “The camera around your neck is also a dead giveaway.”

“This is the only outfit you’ve seen me in. What makes you think I have good fashion sense?”

“The fact that you just told me, that you have good fashion sense.” Jaehyun says smugly.

Johnny laughs again. “Okay, okay. The more I talk to you the more your job suits you.” Jaehyun seems happy with that and Johnny likes that he’s been gradually smiling more as they talk. He likes it a lot.

“Actually,” Jaehyun starts, “I’m working on a project.”

“Do tell.” Johnny leans forward onto his elbows, resting his head on his folded arms.

“I am trying to take pictures and put them in an album.”

“Isn’t that a normal thing?”

Jaehyun huffs and rolls his eyes. God he’s beautiful.

“Not like that. I want to add dates and titles.”

“Like a memory scrapbook?”

Jaehyun shakes his head up and down excitedly, his dimples coming in as he smiles lightly, “Exactly!”

“I need someone to print out the pictures for me though and maybe… I was thinking that if someone else took the pictures for me sometimes, that they would come out better.”

“Is that where I come in?” Johnny points at himself smiling. A part of him upset that he didn’t take the second shot and another happy that Jaehyun, who he is already smitten with, is asking to see him again. Jaehyun’s cheeks tint lightly and Johnny’s smile widens.

“I mean, if you don’t mind.”

“I’d love to.”

✽

_04yrs 34days_

_-_

  
  
Johnny tries to calm both his nerves and the fact that he is overly excited, while he walks through the lightly crowded street. He looks around for the sign said to be hanging outside and glances at his phone to double check the name. "Jongdae's," he mutters to himself as he slips his phone back into his jacket pocket.  
  
Jaehyun had invited him out. Which is the reason why he couldn't help smiling like a dimwit all week and also the reason why he is here, looking for the florist.  
  
He's about to give up and just call Jaehyun to ask where exactly it's located, but a few feet away from him a lady exits a store with a huge bouquet and Johnny walks over to confirm if that is in fact what he is looking for.  
It is and Johnny feels excitement bubble up from within him as he pushes the door open.  
  
There are chimes by the door and they jingle softly when he pushes it in, signaling his arrival. He glances around, inspecting the store. Shelves filled with flowers occupy most of the interior. Johnny doesn't know much about flowers, but it is always fascinating to look at them together. They are stacked neatly over the shelves, close, but not too close. Red, yellow, purple, white, pink, the colors are endless and so are the shapes, the sizes and of course, the smell.  
  
He smiles at the lady in front of the white counter and turns to the man behind it when he speaks. "Good afternoon sir, how may I help you?"  
  
He has a lithe frame, but it's graceful as he slips in a blue box onto the small shelf next to him. Hair curly around his handsome face. His name tag reads ' _Jongdae_ ' and Johnny realizes he's the owner.  
  
"Are you here to buy someone special something?" He continues, because Johnny hasn't answered and the woman next to him giggles behind her hand.  
  
"Uh, well," he starts. "-I'm actually-,"  
  
"Oh Johnny!" He is cut off and everyone's (including his) heads turn to the new voice.  
  
It's Jaehyun. He's standing at the end of the store, bouquet of yellow tulips in his hands that match the apron he's wearing. "You're here!" he smiles widely, dimples and all.  
  
The butterflies Johnny didn't know he had in his stomach go crazy, rising up and escaping him in a soft breath, because wow. The white button down, the light brown slacks with matching shoes and the soft locks pushed out of his flawless face on top of the yellow apron and bouquet just hit different.  
  
"Jaehyun," he lets out as he watches the man walk up to them. He hands the lady the bouquet, thanking her for waiting and when she walks past Johnny, thanking both Jongdae and Jaehyun, he's still staring.  
  
"Hey Johnny."  
  
"Hi."  
  
"Uhum." Jongdae starts from behind the counter, making himself known again.  
  
"Oh, I'm so sorry! Mr. Kim this is Johnny." Jaehyun introduces him and Johnny turns to the man and bows his head lightly.  
  
"I'm so sorry sir, my name is Johnny. It's a pleasure!"  
  
Jongdae laughs. It's musical, Johnny can tell and wonders if he sings. "Is he the one coming to get you?"  
  
Jaehyun lowers his head a bit and because his hair is brushed back today, Johnny notices his ears tinting a bit. His heart starts thumping because CUTE!  
  
"Yeah, we're going to try the new bakery a few blocks down."  
  
"Oh!" Jongdae smiles, "well I hope you like it then." He gestures with his hands and Jaehyun removes his apron.  
  
"Did you finish stacking the boxes like I asked?" He questions as Jaehyun places the apron in his hand.  
  
"Yes, of course." Jaehyun replies smoothing over his clothes.  
  
"Good, I'll see you tomorrow then."  
  
"Yes sir."  
  
Jongdae looks up at Johnny then and smiles. Johnny smiles back nervously. "Take good care of Jaehyun alright?"  
  
Johnny gives a small nod. "Yes sir." And Jongdae laughs again. "Okay go, go. I'm going to start locking up."  
  
Both he and Jaehyun exit the store. They wave at Jongdae one last time when he's flipping the Open sign to Closed and walk down the road.  
  
"He seems nice." Is the first thing Johnny says, nervously shoving his hands in his pockets because he doesn't know what to do with them.  
  
Jaehyun glances at him and smiles. "Jongdae? Yeah he is. He's a good man."  
  
"Those are hard to find these days."  
  
Jaehyun furrows his eyebrows at Johnny then, small smile on his lips. "Are you implying you aren't a good man? You probably shouldn't say that on a first date."  
  
Johnny sucks in a breath. "Wha- No- I mean. Not that I'm not. It's just- Listen I'm not saying that I'm good or bad I'm just- I just think-"  
  
Jaehyun laughs behind his hands, eyes crinkling. "Calm down John, I'm teasing you."  
  
Johnny feels his cheeks heat up, partly from embarrassment, partly from how beautiful Jaehyun looks when he laughs. "Oh-," he stutters.  
He looks at the ground, gulping lightly before he questions "... So this is a date then?"  
  
It's Jaehyun turn to feel embarrassed, but unlike Johnny his eyes widen a bit and he lowers his head, ears visibly turning red. Johnny watches in amazement and that makes Jaehyun cover them and he laughs awkwardly. "Haha, well-, his voice lowers to a whisper, - I'm fine with it being a date, if you want it to be."  
  
And the butterflies are back, a smile gradually growing on Johnny's face again. "I'd love that."  
  


  
\---  
  


  
When they've finally, relatively grown past their awkward agreement of _'yeah sure this is a date'_ , they fall into casual conversation. Jaehyun asks Johnny how his week went, to which Johnny simply said that other than taking pictures and working on said pictures he didn't do much of anything.  
  
Jaehyun in turn explained to him that he went to a museum and new library that opened.  
  
"Do you usually go to new places?" Johnny asks.  
  
"Yes. I mean why not. It's nice to see new things."  
  
"Don't you have places you like enough to stay or revisit?"  
  
"Of course, but I want to see as many little things as I can."  
  
"Stop to smell the flowers?"  
  
Jaehyun smiles warmly at him. "Yeah, stop to smell the flowers."  
He pauses then, closes his eyes. "We're here." And just then the sweet aroma of cake and pastries touches Johnny's senses. "Come on, let's see what they have."  
  


  
\---  
  


  
Not bad. Is what Johnny thinks as he takes a bite of his bagel. Jaehyun is opposite of him, happily biting into a small cupcake, nose scrunching as he smiles. It's becoming increasingly harder for Johnny to keep his heart at bay. The poor artery has already gone haywire an abundance of time.  
  
"Is it to your liking?"  
  
Jaehyun opens his eyes and smiles again before he nods. "Yeah, I like it a lot. Here!" He reaches his hand over the table and offers Johnny a bite. Johnny is a bit surprised by the gesture, but he leans in never the less. He takes a small bite before leaning back, the sweet frosting spreading over his tongue.  
  
"It's good right?" Jaehyun smiles and Johnny nods. Even if it wasn't, Johnny would have still said yes to see him beam.  
  
"How often do you do this?"  
  
Jaehyun hums. "Enough," he says then taking another bite. "It’s not always bakeries though. I like going to museums, galleries. Basically anything I have interest for."  
  
"That's a lot of interests."  
  
There is a pause in which Jaehyun runs his thumb over the edge of his cup. Then he speaks again a bit softer.  
  
"I like to be well informed." He smiles lightly and Johnny catches a hint of sadness in it. He blinks, but before he can ask Jaehyun continues with a bigger smile.  
  
"Speaking of which. Do you have a favorite?"  
  
Johnny's eyebrows furrow at the sudden change and he looks down, tries to rearrange his thoughts before he answers. "Uh-Yeah, but they don't have it."  
  
Jaehyun glances at the cake and pastry display, then back at Johnny. "They don't?" And Johnny might actually die of cuteness. It's unfair.  
  
"No, they don't." He smiles lightly, forcing the grin that dares to creep out away.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Carrot cake. I was actually hoping they had it. It's been awhile since I had any."  
  
Jaehyun looks at him quietly for a moment. Like he's thinking about something. Johnny wonders if he's said something wrong, but it's just carrot cake right? Is carrot cake something wrong?  
  
"Uhm," he start, "I didn't think me liking carrot cake would be a problem."  
  
He means it as a joke and that seems to snap Jaehyun out of his little moment.  
  
"Oh no, no sorry," he says, hands coming up, "It's just I-, you-"  
  
He stops, clasps his hands together, takes in a breath and lets out in one go. "I know how to make it. Do you want to come over so I can?"  
  
Johnny is dumbstruck for a moment, his eyebrows furrowing. The first thing he lets out is.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
And Jaehyun brings his hands up again. "I mean- I can make it and you said you haven't had it in a while and you'd like some and I just thought. Hey I can make it maybe I can make him some and oh my God I'm so sorry. I-" he hides his face in his hands and Johnny can see his ears turning even redder than before.  
  
The grin that he's been trying to hide spreads across his face and he laughs out in disbelieve. "Hah, Wow."  
  
"I'm really so sorry. I-"  
  
"No, no" Johnny cuts him off and he loves the way Jaehyun eyes grow when he sees Johnny's face.  
  
"I'd love to."  
  


  
\---  
  


  
Angels are real.  
Angels are real.  
Angels are real.  
Holy shit he's so beautiful.  
  
Jaehyun looks up from where he is mixing the batter and smiles.  
  
 _Wow_  
  
"You can look around if you want to. I'm almost done and then maybe we can watch a movie or something."  
  
"Yeah." Is all Johnny lets out as he stares at Jaehyun, hand under his chin as he sits at the table in his small kitchen.  
  
Wow, just wow.  
  
Jaehyun's smile widens as he puts down the whisk, dimples deepening. He picks up the bowl and turns around and _wow_.  
  
Look around Johnny Suh. Look around.  
  
He rips his eyes away from Jaehyun's back and slowly gets up. The apartment isn't as big as his, but it's cozy. From what he can see at least, which is the kitchen and the living room.  
  
There is a duo brown couch a long side a coffee table, small tv against the wall, crafting items are littered over the furniture, but it looks, nice. Feels warm. There are a few small plants by the window. They stand proud and strong and Johnny smiles. He was expecting flowers, but it seems Jaehyun had settled for the simpler kind.  
  
His eyes fall on a small pallet and brushes. "You paint?" He lets out stepping closer to look at the teeny tiny canvas next to the items. It's a copy of one of Bob Ross' famous landscapes.  
  
"Yeah." Jaehyun let's out from the kitchen. "Sometimes."  
  
Johnny runs his eyes over the different items. "What else do you do?"  
  
"Uuhm besides gardening and painting?"  
  
A pause.  
  
"I bake." Johnny smiles at that. He's baking right now.  
  
"I cook."  
  
"Doesn't baking fall under cooking?"  
  
"Kind of."  
  
"Kind of?"  
  
"A cake is not the same as a homemade meal Johnny."  
  
"Point." His eyes fall on a note book open on the coffee table. There are pictures of Jaehyun in it. With dates and, Johnny squints his eyes, notes?"  
  
 _Public Museum.  
  
Butterfly garden._  
  
Johnny bends over and grabs it, lifts it up and stares at the pictures, the neat handwriting depicting Jaehyun's experiences. The dates.  
  
That's a few days ago. He closes it and looks at the cover.  
  
 _Live4Something_ is written in black cursive and Johnny smiles lightly.  
  
"That's my scrapbook."  
  
Johnny startles and looks to his side. Jaehyun gives him a smile again and takes the notebook. "The one I told you about."  
  
"O-oh. Y-yeah."  
  
Jaehyun places it back on the table.  
  
"It looks nice."  
  
"Thank you." Jaehyun says coming back up. "So what do you want to watch Johnny?"  
  
"Uhm."  
  


  
\---  
  


  
They end up watching Howl's moving castle. Jaehyun getting up thirty ish minutes into the movie to get the cake. He serves it to Johnny with some tea and Johnny thanks him with a smile. Thanks him even more when he takes a bite and it's outright delicious.   
  
They eat it together and by the time the movie is finished so is the cake and Johnny apologizes for having ate most of it. Jaehyun laughs and says. "It's fine. I don't usually eat sweets that much. I already had cupcakes today so two slices was enough for me."  
  
The sun has set and the room is dark, Jaehyun not having bothered to turn on the light. The blue light of the tv illuminates his face as he looks at Johnny.  
  
They're close, thighs touching as they sit on the couch. Johnny takes in his features for the gazillionth time. Soft brown hair pushed back, strong jaw, straight nose. Deep brown eyes with thick lashes against milky white skin and Johnny's eyes fall to Jaehyun's lips. Full and pink. He runs his tongue over his own bottom lip and sees Jaehyun swallow.  
  
"I should go." He says then, eyes shooting back up to Jaehyun's. "It's getting late."  
  
Jaehyun nods lightly and gets up. "Yeah, yeah. I've seriously overextended on the time I was supposed to spend with you anyway."  
  
Johnny gets up and follows Jaehyun. "I mean... I didn't mind at all. It was fun."  
  
Jaehyun turn to him, eyes hopeful. "Was it? It wasn't boring?"  
  
Johnny laughs. "No. It wasn't." He catches himself staring again. "No. I mean you baked me a cake," he says with a smile.  
  
"Yeah, I did.... I can- bake you more things if you'd like."  
  
"I actually... also want to taste your cooking. The cake was amazing."  
  
Jaehyun laughs again, breathy and Johnny wonders if his ears are turning red. The butterflies in his stomach are making him love sick.  
  
"I'll invite you out again," he bites his bottom lip, "and maybe- One of the times I can cook for you."  
  
"That sounds amazing. I can't wait."  
  
  


  
✽  
  


  
_04 years 30 days_

_-  
  
_

  
"He's so... so-,"  
  
"Pretty?" Mark questions.  
  
"Beautiful!" Johnny exclaims.  
  
"Damn you got it bad."  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"No seriously. I'm happy for you though. You should invite him to play basketball with us," Mark sighs, placing a hand on his boyfriends’ head, "Yes Xuxi you can come."  
  
The larger man smiles happily, continuing to stuff his face with pizza, he snuggles closer to Mark's leg for good measure. Johnny looks down at where Xuxi is sat on the floor and smiles. Cute, but not as cute as Jaehyun. He sighs.  
  
"Still on your mind?" Mark asks with a smile, he leans back onto the couch.  
  
"Every single second of every single day."  
  
"Oooh," Mark runs his fingers through Xuxi's hair, "Yeah you got it bad."  
  


  
✽  
  


_04 years 25 days_

_-_

  
"What does this one stand for?"  
  
Jaehyun looks up from where he is wrapping a bouquet. "Gladiolus, strength of character. Faithfulness. Honor and-," Jaehyun's brows furrow, "If I am correct, remembrance."  
  
"And this one?" Jaehyun smiles from where he had already started at the bouquet again. "I promise it's the last one." Johnny says with a grin.  
  
Jaehyun looks at the flower in his hand. He blinks. "Anemone."  
Johnny sees his eyes flicker, then he looks down.  
  
"Fading hope and a feeling of being forsaken." It's quiet for a moment. Only the ticking of the shop’s clock can be heard before Jaehyun continues. "Or anticipation."  
  
Johnny watches as Jaehyun continues to wrap the bouquet. Thinking he may have brought up old memories. He bites his lip.  
  
"Hey."  
  
Jaehyun looks up.  
  
"How about I pick a random flower that I think suits you? One that I haven't asked the meaning of."  
  
Jaehyun smiles again. "Will you let me finish this bouquet if I let you?" Johnny nods returning his smile. Jaehyun shakes his head. "Fine, go ahead."  
  
And with his say so Johnny ventures into the shop. He looks over his shoulder at Jaehyun that is continuing his work, before his eyes trail over the many, many flowers.  
  
Purple. Pink. White. Blue. Yellow.  
  
He pauses. Looks at the red, white and yellow flowers in front of him. They are poufy and soft, with seemingly a thousand petals. He runs his fingers over the edges softly, before smiling. Choosing red.  
  
Then he walks over to Jaehyun.  
  
"Here," he says with a smile, holding the flower right in front of his head.  
  
Jaehyun looks up at the flower and freezes, before his eyes shoot up to Johnny's with shock.  
  
"A red chrysanthemum?" He whisper asks.  
  


  
 _Red Chrysanthemums Symbolize  
Love  
Fidelity _ _Optimism_ _joy  
And  
Long Life  
  
  
_

  
✽  
  


_04 years 17da_

_-0̶4̶ ̶y̶e̶a̶r̶s̶ ̶1̶7̶d̶a̶_

_Day 18_

_-_

  
  
_Click_  
  
Jaehyun looked up surprised, hand shooting over his heart. "Oh you scared me Johnny."  
  
Johnny smiled, lowering the camera, "Sorry."  
  
Jaehyun smiled warily, calmed down his breathing.  
  
Johnny's eyebrows furrowed. "Are you okay?"  
  
Jaehyun smiled. "Yeah, I just didn't hear you. I'm fine." He took in a breath. "It's good to see you."  
  
"It's good to see you too." He says smiling back now. "So," Johnny starts again, "What are we doing today?"  
  
Jaehyun puts down the flower pot he was holding and smiles. "Well."  
  


  
\---  
  


  
Johnny silently watches as Jaehyun speaks to a young girl. She's around fifteen, he would guess. Most of the kids here are. She smiles brightly as she points at parts of her painting. Explains to Jaehyun what brushes she used and how long she waited for it to dry.  
  
"It took forever! I thought it wouldn't be finished for the showcase!"  
  
Jaehyun smiled, eyes sparkling (Johnny may actually sob.) "I'm glad you did. It's magnificent!"  
  
"You really think so?"  
  
"Yes! I especially love this section, with the flowers. It reminds me of my mom's garden. Though hers is a bit smaller. What's the last thing you added?"  
  
"Ah these!" She gestured at the square in her drawing, at the children playing while their parents watched. "The kids."  
  
Jaehyun's eyes ran over the canvas.  
  
 _Click_  
  
Both he and the girl looked up surprised.  
  
"Sorry." Johnny smiled. "I can't help myself. I hope you don't mind your work being in the picture."  
  
The girl looked at him wide eyed. As if she hadn't noticed him before. She probably hadn't, Jaehyun had rushed over to her work with a gasp.  
  
"N-no. I don't mind," she said with wide eyes.  
  
"This is Johnny." Did he mention he loved the way Jaehyun said his name? Okay he's mentioning it now. "He's a friend of mine."  
  
"Pleased to meet you Cindy."  
  
Cindy shook his hand still staring wide eyed and when Johnny smiled at her she visibly took a breath. Her eyes went from him to Jaehyun and she blinked rapidly.  
  
"I feel like my art has competition."  
  
"How so?" Jaehyun asked a little confused.  
  
"You two are....," she shook her head, "Breathtaking."  
  
"Ah." Jaehyun let out and Johnny could see his ears tinting just as he let out an.  
  
"Oh." At the same time.  
  
"I wouldn't say that," Johnny starts, "Not about me at least. Jaehyun however is-"  
  
His lips sealed shut when he noticed how Jaehyun stared at him in silent surprise. "Uhm, I mean-"  
  
A smile was curling up the girls face as she looked at them. "Oh." She let out smiling widely. "That's so cute!"  
  
"What no. No, no." Jaehyun fussed, hands coming up in front of him. "Johnny and I are-"  
  
"Aha!" She let out. "I see. It's like that. It's okay Mr. Jaehyun. My mom has taught me loads about this. You don't have to be afraid." She gave two thumbs up. "This fifteen year old fully supports!"  
  
"Ooowkaayy," Johnny lets out thoroughly embarrassed as he starts walking away. His poor heart can't take this on top of Jaehyun’s glory.  
  
"Johnny!" Said man let's out, saying goodbye to Cindy with red ears and cheeks.  
  
"I'm rooting for you Mr. Johnny!!" She shouts as Jaehyun speed walks to him, causing both him and Jaehyun to duck their heads.  
  
  
"I'm so sorry." Jaehyun peeps.  
  
Johnny's head is still lowered. "No-no. There isn't anything you did wrong."  
  
They walk in silence for a moment, pass the many paintings of the other children and watch them run about.  
  
"Johnny?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Do you want to get some coffee?"  
  


  
✽

  
_Day 20_

_-_

  
"Jaehyun is light incarnate. He can do no wrong. I am convinced he can do no wrong."  
  
"Bro. You're even worse than last time." Mark says as he looks up from the video games rack, a copy of Call of Duty in his hands. "I need to meet this guy."  
  
Johnny pauses as if he is struck by lightning. "I can invite him for game night."  
  
Mark's brows furrow, he looks away for a second, then back at Johnny. "You-You always invite people to game night. How have you not invited him??"  
  
"I’m an idiot!"  
  


  
✽  
  


_Day 29_

_-_

  
Johnny looks at Jaehyun through the glass display. His eyes were focused on the antique clocks inside, but Johnny was focused on him. In the way the display lights made his eyes sparkle.  
  
"This one is beautiful." His voice comes as he leans in to study the fine craft of wood.  
  
Johnny slowly walks around the display, pauses a moment as he stares at Jaehyun. Then he lifts the camera to his face and takes a picture.  
  
Jaehyun blinks and looks up, before smiling. "You're good at your job."  
  
"It's what I'm here for."  
  
Jaehyun's eyes flicker a moment and it seems he wants to say something, but he looks away instead. Back at the display and then down to the floor. "I'm kind of surprised you agreed to come with me."  
  
Johnny will go anywhere with him. He'll ride on camels to see ancient tombs in Egypt and Hike up the Andes to see the Incan villages if Jaehyun asked him. This is not up for debate. "What makes you say that?"  
  
"We're in an antique clock store Johnny." As if on cue the large grandfather clock behind him chimed with a gong. Jaehyun blinks. Johnny blinks.

  
"It's not about where you are. It's about who you're with." Jaehyun's eyes widen ever so slightly, his lips parting a bit. "Did I say something wrong?"  
  
"No." Jaehyun stammered, turning on his heels. "I'm going to go look at those over there." He points before taking quick steps away from Johnny.  
  
Now Johnny's brows furrow. "Wait-“ he says coming into motion. "-Jaehyun."  
  


  
✽  
  


_Day 51_

_-_

  
"God that was amazing."  
  
"I know right? I found this place while I was taking a walk. Stopped by for something to drink. That's when I saw the menu and got curious."  
  
Johnny wipes the edges of his mouth. "You've taken me to such good places. Honestly. You're like a food guru."  
  
Jaehyun grins, "I'm happy I have someone to take a long with me now."  
  
"I'm flattered."  
  


  
✽

  
_Day 60_

_-_

  
"Right there."  
  
"Here?"  
  
"Yeah. Tilt your head slightly. Perfect." Johnny says as he takes a picture. He jogs over to Jaehyun and the man smiles at it.  
  
"It's great. It's definitely going in."  
  
"You've said that about all the pictures I've taken Jae."  
  
"Yes I know. I am already fighting internally with the decision of which one stays and which one goes."  
Johnny chuckles and Jaehyun looks back at the sunset. "The view from here is amazing."  
  
"I used to come here to think." Johnny admits as he looks at the sun setting behind the buildings, the wind getting cooler against his cheeks. “It’s kind of like your place in the park.”  
  
"You don't anymore?" Jaehyun looks up at him, before looking over the ledge, eyes trailing over the small cars and people.  
  
"Well... I'm up here now." He smiles.  
  
"Nice, but you know that's not what I mean."  
  
"No. Not as often as I used to."  
  
"Why is that?"  
  
"I guess I just forgot about it." He looks at the sunset again, wind howling around them. "You made me remember."  
  


  
✽  
  


_Day 74_

_-_

  
"Jaehyun, this is Mark. Mark this is-"  
  
"Jaehyun," Mark says with a smile. He grabs firmly onto the older man's hand and shakes. "Glad I can finally put a face to the name." Jaehyun's eyes widen slightly and he looks at Johnny. "He never shut u-"  
  
"Okay! We are coming in now!" Johnny manhandled Mark out of the way and guided Jaehyun in. "Please don't mind Mark he's-" Johnny pauses.  
  
"Like a little brother. I like him." Jaehyun smiles at him and Johnny sees his ears slightly red. He's curious, but instead he says.  
  
"I was going for menace, but that one seems a bit more _fair_."  
  
"I am not a menace!" Mark says as he walks passed them again. He makes for the living room, looking over his shoulder at the last second. "Come on! They are waiting!"  
  
"Thank you for inviting me." Jaehyun says as they walk down the small hall. "I hope I'm not intruding."  
  
Johnny grins. "I invited you. How would you be intruding?" He nudges Jaehyun lightly and the latter has this small smile on his lips. Johnny likes it. Johnny has been liking it. He just... loves-hopes he's the reason.  
  
"You know what I mean."  
  
"Do I?"  
  
Jaehyun gives him a look and Johnny laughs rounding the doorframe, immediately greeted by the rest of his friends.   
  
"Johnny!" A tall man bellows and Jaehyun's eyes widen a bit as he walks closer, grabs Johnny's hand and hugs him.  
  
"Been a while." Another says. This one is not as tall, with hair reaching his shoulders and a striking smile. "Is this your new friend?"  
  
Johnny turns and looks at Jaehyun who smiles shyly. Cute. "Yeah this is Jaehyun."  
  
"Jae," he reaches out and grabs his hand, pulls him closer. Something flicks over Johnny's friends faces and the tall one grins so bright Jaehyun might get blinded. "These are Yukhei-," he gestures to the sun, "-and Yuta."  
  
"Hi." Jaehyun says, suddenly feeling small under Yuta's piercing gaze. The man flicks his eyes back up to Johnny and he lift a brow, smirk appearing.  
  
"Okay!" Yukhei bellows again. Walks forward and snatches Jaehyun from Johnny. He wraps a long limb around him and lowers a tad. "You betting?"  
  
Jaehyun stammers. Yukhei laughs. "Joke."  
  
"Yukhei." Mark drawls from his place on the couch. He's already been drinking it seems and suddenly he looks so much older than a moment ago. "Come here."  
  
Yukhei literally leaps onto the couch and Mark lift his can so nothing spills so easily he thinks this happens more often than not. He watches the tall man snuggle close to Mark and it clicks. Oh. They are-  
  
"Don't mind Yukhei. He means well and he likes new people." Jaehyun startles a bit when Johnny's breath fans his ear, he turns and Johnny gives him a smile. "You okay?"  
  
"Y-yeah." Jaehyun smiles but his ears are coloring again and Johnny's smile grows.  
  
"Come on the game is starting," Yuta says as he sinks onto the floor with a freshly opened can. "I hope you don't hate us at the end of the night Jaehyun."  
  
Jaehyun laughs, "You're friends with Johnny. I trust you."  
  
Johnny gives him a smile again before gesturing to the couch and if he leans onto Jaehyun a bit more than usual that night no one notices, or no one mentions it.  
  


  
✽

  
_Day 139_

-

  
Johnny watches Jaehyun as he presses a picture onto the page of his scrapbook gently. He sticks another piece of heavenly beef into his mouth and sighs. Jaehyun looks up and Johnny suppresses the urge to sigh again. He looks so soft in his hoodie. "I'm glad you like it."  
  
"I love it." Johnny mutters around a mouthful and Jaehyun laughs before he opens a green marker, starts drawing a dotted line around the edges of the newly placed photo. Johnny continues after he's swallowed. "What page are you on now?"  
  
Jaehyun blinks up at the question, brows furrowing cutely as he flips back through the book. "Uuh."  
  
"Have you not been keeping track?"  
  
Jaehyun smiles sheepishly. "Not really."  
  
Johnny chuckles, "What are the numbers at the beginning of each page for?"  
  
Jaehyun stills a bit. "Uhm. The number of days that have passed since I started it..."  
  
"What day are we on?"  
  
Jaehyun's eyes are trained on the scrapbook. "Day one-hundred and thirty-nine."  
  
"Woaw. Has that much time already passed?"  
  
"Yeah. I guess so." It falls silent for a few long seconds, before there is a click. Johnny looks up surprised, a piece of meat between his lips. Jaehyun smiles, lowering his camera. "Would you mind if I added some of your pictures too?"  
  
"Uuh." Johnny let's out unintelligently, watches the soft smile on Jaehyun's face. "Sure?"  
  


  
✽

_Day 184_

-

  
  
Johnny isn't sure when, but Jaehyun had become a part of his life. More than a routine, it was natural for him to be there. To be anywhere Johnny would be.  
  
If Johnny was out with his friends. Jaehyun was by his side. If he was working at a party or social event, Jaehyun would join him. Keep him company when he didn't have to take pictures. The only place the angel hadn't been to was his apartment but that changed as well when Jaehyun wanted to go out, but Johnny had work to finish. He had asked if he could come over and Johnny had let him, of course he had let him.  
  


  
"You play?"  
  
Johnny turns his face away from his desktop and at Jaehyun. The latter is looking at his keyboard, propped up by the large window in his living room. His apartment was much larger than Jaehyun's, a product of his hard work. "Uuh yeah." He said turning back. "I have since I was little."  
  
"I didn't know that." It's soft and Johnny looks up again. At Jaehyun who has this sad look in his eyes. He takes a breath, mouth falling agape at his profile. So beautiful..., but Johnny couldn't bear to see him sad.  
  
"Uh." He started, pulling Jaehyun attention. "I-uhm. Would you--like me to play?"  
  
"Would you?"  
  


  
  
Johnny's fingers run over the keys carefully, tunes seeping out in the quiet room. Jaehyun is sat on the ground next to him. Insisted on it. He looks up, watches Johnny play and it makes him nervous, fingers shaking slightly as he tries not to make a mistake.  
  
It's odd. So odd. He's played for years in front of thousands of people at this point, but somehow the idea of Jaehyun watching. The knowledge that this beautiful man is watching him puts him aflame. Jaehyun turns slightly, closes his eyes as he rests his head against the wall and Johnny sighs.  
  
He takes a deep breath and starts a new cord, plays a song he's been enjoying as of late and it calm him down, eases his nerves. until-  
  
 _"I-I-I-I-I'm just a girl like a cloudy day."  
"I-I-I-I-I wanna be like fallen raindrop on your face."_  
  
Johnny turns and looks at Jaehyun whose eyes are closed as he sings. The late afternoon sun falls into his brown curls as his deep voice seeps out gently and his heart starts racing all over again.  
  
 _"Boy I-I-I-I don't wanna be forgotten from your memory."  
"I-I-I-I really loved you-, _Jaehyun's eyes open and he looks at Johnny. _"-Don't you, didn't you know it."_  
  
Johnny stops to stare in silence. "I love that song." Jaehyun whispers. "Why did you stop?"  
  
Johnny takes a breath and huffs a laugh. "Y-you sing?"  
  
Jaehyun smiles lightly and looks down biting his lip before his eyes come up again. Johnny's heart is jack hammering in his chest. "Yeah." Jaehyun says. His ears are tinting again. "Sometimes."  
  
"I guess today I learn something new about you as well."  
  
Jaehyun smiles, "Not fair. You already know so much."  
  
Johnny watches him silently again. "I--I'll tell you everything." Jaehyun's eyes light up and his chest heaved. "If that's what you want."  
  


  
✽  
  


_Day 377_

-

  
Johnny's in love. He is utterly and completely in love with Jaehyun.  
  
He doesn't know when he started loving him. Can't pinpoint it amongst the countless places they've been or the endless amount of pictures he's taken. But when he sees Jaehyun his heart soars and he wants nothing but him, sees nothing but him.  
  
It's been a little over a year now and he's still taking pictures, still joining him on dinner dates and evening walks. Jaehyun still asks if he minds. Johnny doesn't.  
Jaehyun cooks for him all the time now. Comes over to watch movies or simply keep him company while he works.  
  
Jaehyun bakes him cakes and cookies and falls asleep against his shoulder. Wakes and excuses himself before leaving. Jaehyun makes him scarves and wraps them around Johnny's neck when he sees him, smiles and says he tried a new pattern and Johnny wears them even though it doesn't match his outfit or doesn't suit the setting.  
  
Jaehyun sings for him when he's stressed or tired, comfort him with gently strokes to his hair. Jaehyun is everything. And Johnny...  
  
Johnny watches him pick out new colors to try when he paints. Johnny helps him carry the bags of treats he's made for the kids of the orphanage. Johnny watches as he stands silently and lets the wind blow through his hair.  
  
Johnny loves him and it's becoming unbearable, because he doesn’t know if he should charge forward and take his hand or if Jaehyun still just sees him as a friend.

\---  
  


  
Jaehyun has apologized for turning down all of Mark's offers to play basketball even though he regularly goes out with all of them and Mark is more than a little confused.  
  


  
"John I know that maybe it isn't his thing and that he can't play to save his life, but he can just play. I don't care how bad he is."  
  
"Maybe he just really doesn't like it." Johnny had said as he passed Mark the ball. Mark tossed the ball up, scored.  
  
"So he doesn't like soccer either? Or going to the gym? Or swimming?"  
  
"Hey he came along with us that time." Johnny defended.  
  
"He sat at the side Johnny."  
  
Johnny frowned.  
  
"Look man. I'm not saying anything bad about him. He's amazing really. I know you-" Johnny gave him a look and Mark backtracked. "I know everyone is entitled to their own likes and dislikes, but I just-" he tossed Johnny the ball again. It ricocheted off the court and into his hands. "-Think something is wrong."  
  
"Wrong how?" Johnny questioned as he turned the ball slightly. Mark shook his head.  
  
"I don't know man. Just... watch him okay?"  
  


  
✽  
  


_Day 409_

-

  
Johnny never confronts Jaehyun about Mark's questions or his concerns. Jaehyun seems happy. It's Johnny that's struggling to keep it together.  
  
He wants nothing more than to touch him. Run his fingers through his hair and over his skin. To kiss him. To love him, but Johnny was too much of a coward to say it.  
  
Jaehyun is beautiful. So beautiful as he looks back at Johnny. He has some cotton candy in his hand and the sun has just set, the sky turning dark-blue and the pier lights flicking on one by one.  
  
"I should have brought my camera." He says as he catches up. "The sunset was worth catching."  
  
"You don't always have to bring your camera when we go out." Jaehyun bites into the soft candy.  
  
"But what about your scrapbook?"  
  
"You're acting like we don't spend almost every other day together now Johnny."  
  
"You're right. See these grey strands?" Johnny runs his hand through his hair. "It's because I have to deal with a menace like you."  
  
Jaehyun's head whips to him, "I am not a menace!"  
  
Johnny bends over and puts a hand to his ear. "What was that boy? I can't hear you. My ears are withering you'll have to speak up." He says imitating an elderly man.  
  
Jaehyun lets out a laugh and smacks him lightly. "And I'm the menace!?"  
  
"What was that??" Johnny says with the same tone and Jaehyun laughs out.  
  
"You're so an-" Jaehyun cuts himself off with a cough.  
  
"Woaw, easy." Johnny smiles as Jaehyun enters a fit. Jaehyun clutches a hand to his chest and Johnny smacks his back. "Easy on the cotton can-"  
  
He's the one cut off now when Jaehyun drops the treat to push his hand away, hunching over a bit more as his fit worsens. Johnny eyes widen a bit. "Jae, what's wrong??"  
  
"John-" Jaehyun manages to get out before he sinks down to the wooden planks, coughs coming out loud and painful and Jaehyun is starts gasping for air. Johnny sinks down next to him in a hurry immediately, the people around them starting to surround them in concern.  
  
"Jaehyun what's wrong!?"  
  
Jaehyun looks up through tears before he coughs again and blood spills past the hand over his mouth, he shakes and gasps, hand lowering as he stares at his own blood.  
  
Johnny doesn't know what came over him in that moment. That moment when Jaehyun looked up at him with frightened eyes, tears running down his beautiful cheeks. But Johnny gathered him into his arms so fast and clutched him to his chest as he ran down the lit pier. Lights blurs as Jaehyun shucked in his arms, clutches to his shirt, breath labored as Johnny screamed for everyone to get out of the way.  
  


  
✽

  
_Day 454_

-

  
Johnny hasn't seen Jaehyun in over almost one and a half month. He still remembers how the doctors had placed him on the bed. His love's eyes glassy as his head was kept still, oxygen mask being placed over his face.  
  
He remembers how they rushed him into the Emergency Room and how they stopped Johnny from advancing. How they left him in the halls for nearly a day and when finally Jaehyun had risen he'd refused to see Johnny.  
  
It hurt. He hadn't slept properly in days and by the amount of calls and messages he was getting he knew his friends were worried. Especially Mark.  
  
He'd gone to the hospital again, but Jaehyun still refused to see him and one day he was told he'd been discharged. Jaehyun wouldn't answer his calls and didn't reply to his messages. He wasn't at his apartment either and it felt like he was just a dream. Like that year they spent together never happened, but Johnny refused to believe it so. Refused to let him go. That's why he was here now. At Jongdae's.  
  
It's the only lead he had left. If he could just.  
  
"Welco-" Jongdae's mouth fell shut when Johnny walked in.  
  
"Mr. Kim." Johnny said and it sounded so hollow. So empty.  
  
"Johnny." The older man's face said it all.  
  
"Please. I just want to see him."  
  
"That's not for you to decide Johnny. It was his choice."  
  
Johnny bites his lip painfully, suppresses his tears of frustration. "I'm begging you I just-"  
  
He stops mid sentence as he looks at the flowers on the counter. Bouquet's of Irises are neatly tied together with small bows, packed with utter grace. He looks up at Jongdae. "Is he here?"  
  
Jongdae's eyes widen and before he can even speak Johnny is walking down the counter, hoist himself over it in one fluid motion. "Johnny!" Jongdae yells. As he runs after him.  
  
Johnny shimmies his way through the shelves, desperate, hopeful and when he makes it to the back door he freezes. Heart stilling as he sees him.  
  
Jongdae's words are drowned out as Jaehyun looks up from where he is sat on the bench. Irises are cascaded around him, a bouquet in his lap. He looks so sad.  
  
"Jaehyun." Johnny breaths as he saunters forward. Jongdae hold him back by an arm. "Please." He begs again voice shaking. "Please."  
  
"It's okay Jongdae." Jaehyun finally speaks and Johnny's chest twists. Jaehyun sounds so broken.  
  
Jongdae let's go of his arm and Johnny stumbles forward. He watches Jaehyun stand and place the bouquet down before his eyes trailed up to Johnny.  
  
"Jaehyun. I-"  
  
"Why did you come?"  
  
Johnny takes a breath. "W-what happened to you? Why wouldn't you see me? Why did you disappear?"  
  
"Johnny." Jaehyun starts. "It would be better if you didn't know. Please. Look at how much pain I've caused you already."  
  
"What do you mean?? Just tell me. I'll-I'll-help any way I can. I'll fix it."  
  
"No Johnny. It's not something you can fix. I-," he bites his lip. "Please just go. You've seen me right? That's what you wanted right? I'm fine. You can go."  
  
"No Jaehyun. I'm not going. You're not fine. Look at you!"  
  
"Johnny-"  
  
"You can't expect me to go. Not after everything."  
  
"Johnny please-"  
  
"I love you."  
  
Jaehyun's face shifts as tears start welling in his eyes, head lowering. "Please don't say that. Please John-"  
  
"It's true. I've loved you for some time now."  
  
"No-no. You can't. Not someone as selfish as me. I knew and I still- I still let you in....because... because you make me happy, but.. I can't offer you anything. Please don't love me." Jaehyun begs now voice shaking.  
  
Johnny stills for a moment before he wraps his arms around the smaller man. "I don't care." He whispers into Jaehyun's hair. "I still love you."  
  
"Johnny I'm sick." He cries, "I can't be with you. I'll only hurt you."  
  
"I still love you." Jaehyun looks up, tears caught on his lashes. He's thinned down and there are still bags under his eyes. But Johnny’s heart reaches for him. His chest soars at his presence. "You're so beautiful."  
  
New tears form in Jaehyun’s eyes, "Johnny please-."  
  
"My heart bleeds for you. It always will."  
  
He can feel Jaehyun's breath against his lips when he says, "I wish it didn't."  
  
Johnny inches forward and captures his lips. They are as soft as he imagined. As sweet as he's dreamed. He can feel Jaehyun shake against him, feel the tears against the corners of his lips, but Jaehyun kisses him back, a broken sob leaving his lips when Johnny pulls away and whispers.  
  
"I will love you forever."   
  


  
\---  
  


  
Jaehyun has a primary cardiac tumor and lung carcinoma.  
  
"I have heart- and lung cancer." He had said softly in Johnny's arms. "I knew before I met you. It spread to my heart about six months before that day." Johnny runs a hand down his back, cradles Jaehyun in his arms. "I only have around three years left."  
  
Johnny shifts and twists Jaehyun's head so he can look at him. He kisses him softly. "Don't be sad. I can't bear it. You only deserve happiness." He kisses him again before promising him. "I'll do everything to make you happy."  
  


  
✽

  
_Days 514-528_

-

  
It takes some time. For both of them to fall back into their old habits. Until Johnny asks Jaehyun to move in with him. Jaehyun is surprised by the offer, but he agrees and from then on their nights are spent under the same roof.  
  
"Are you sure you're fine on the couch? I feel like I am kicking you out of your own home."  
  
"I don't mind Jaehyun." Johnny had smiled, but Jaehyun had pestered him until Johnny agreed to sleep in his bed again.  
  
He chuckled when Jaehyun's ears ran red. "Calm down. I won't do anything." Jaehyun seemed to calm at those words. "I mean." Johnny continued. "Unless you want me to."  
  
Jaehyun sat up, grabbed his pillow and smacked it against Johnny. It startled him, but he couldn't help laugh out, apologize as Jaehyun stared at him with flushed cheeks.  
  
They share the bed as equals, sleep side by side until Johnny wakes up with Jaehyun pressed into his side. He doesn't bring it up and over time Jaehyun even shifts closer when he's awake, seeks out Johnny's warmth.  
  
It's one of the first things he grows used to. The others take some time. Especially the capsules, they aren't a very pleasant sight. Jaehyun tries to hide them as best as he can, but Johnny catches him knocking back his pills from time to time.  
  
On a particular morning, one of his capsules falls. It smacks against the wood with a tick and sends all the pills scattering just as Johnny steps into the kitchen.  
  
"I-I'm sorry." Jaehyun stuttered as he gathered them quickly, crushed them in his hand. Johnny lowered slowly, large hand gathering the pills by his feet.  
  
"What are you apologizing for? It was an accident."  
  
"I just don't want you to see." Jaehyun whispers as he pushes the pills back in. He rises to his feet and turns away. "Knowing must already be a burden."  
  
Johnny walks over next to him quietly. "Hey," he starts, placing down the pills to grab Jaehyun's hand instead. He squeezes it and tilts his head down until Jaehyun looks up. He smiles, "It's not a burden to know. And you live here now. You don't have to hide anything anymore." He grabs a cup and fills it with water, places it down in front of Jaehyun. "Can you promise me you won't hide anything from me anymore?"  
  
Jaehyun fiddles with his hands, pills clacking in the capsule as he adds the remaining one by one. "I'll try."  
  
Johnny bends down and places a kiss to his cheek. Jaehyun's hand rises up to press against said cheek a little shocked. Johnny smiles. "That's all I can ask for."  
  


  
✽

  
_Day 545_

-

  
"Anything you want."  
  
"Anything I want? That seems a little much don't you think?"  
  
Johnny wraps his hands around Jaehyun's hips and pulls him close. "No it isn't." he says, their faces inches apart. "Not for you."  
  


  
✽

  
_Day 601_

-

  
"Will you be my boyfriend?"  
  
Jaehyun looks up from where he is mixing the doe for a strawberry cake he saw on tv. "Huh??"  
  
Johnny rests his head against his hand. "Will you be my boyfriend? I never actually asked you." He tilts his head slightly. "I wanted to ask sooner, but I was afraid that-"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Oh. Well that took no convincing."  
  
"I've wanted to be with you since you took me to your favorite rooftop."  
  
Johnny sits up silently and Jaehyun smiles before he goes back to mixing the doe.  
  
"Jaehyun."  
  
"Yes boyfriend?" He questions, a smile tugging at his lips as he pointedly ignores Johnny's eyes, looks at the bowl instead.  
  
"Jaehyun." Jaehyun shakes his head and his dimples pop out when he and suppresses a smile.  
  
Johnny bolts around the kitchen table and Jaehyun squeals, lifting the whisk to attack him with the white doe.  
  


  
✽

_Day 632_

-  
  


  
"Check."  
  
Johnny frowns and Jaehyun laughs. "You're really bad at chess."  
  
"Am not."  
  
"Are too."  
  
"Jae."  
  
"Okay okay." Jaehyun sits quietly as Johnny organized the pieces again. He's placing down the black tower when Jaehyun says. "What's it at now? Seven to zero?"  
  
Johnny launches out of his chair and Jaehyun falls back onto the couch when Johnny lands on him, squirms and laughs under him.  
  
"I yield! I yield!"  
  


  
✽

_Day 662_

-  
  


  
Johnny wakes to light shifting. He opens his eyes slowly when Jaehyun brushes against him and his brows furrow. Jaehyun hardly shifts in his sleep. Then Johnny hears it. The labored breathing and he sits up rapidly.  
  
Jaehyun had turned away from him, hands to his chest as he breaths heavily.  
  
"Jae." Johnny whispers, inching closer. He lays a hand on his shoulder and Jaehyun turns his head a bit. "Are you okay?"  
  
"Y-yeah. Just having trouble c-catching my breath. I need a few ...minutes."  
  
A look of worry washes over Johnny's face. "Are you sure? We can go to the hospital." A quick glance at the nightstand showed 2:47 AM.  
  
"No. It's-It's okay." Jaehyun says between breaths. "Happens. S-sometimes."  
  
Johnny swallows thickly, hand running down Jaehyun's arm, caressing. "Is there anything I can do?"  
  
Jaehyun huffs a laugh, though he stops to catch his breath again. "H-hold me?"  
  
Johnny sinks back onto the bed and flushes close to Jaehyun. "Can I?" He asks, hands hovering a bit.  
  
"Y-yeah." Jaehyun breaths and he clutches to Johnny's hand, pulls it to his chest, where Johnny can feel his heart beating.  
  
"It's okay." He whispers, plants kisses to the back of Jaehyun's head. "It's okay. You're okay."  
  


He cradles Jaehyun until he falls asleep again and Johnny stays awake to make sure he’s okay.  
  


  
  


✽

_Day 692_

-  
  


  
"Worst memory growing up?"  
  
Jaehyun ponders, chopsticks sinking into the beef he had planned to pick up. "Hmm," he picked it up, eyes narrowing as he focused, "Went out with a girl because my friends at the time thought she was hot and a score."  
  
"Bitch?"  
  
Jaehyun propped the beef in his mouth. "Total bitch. She even stood me up once."  
  
"I actually find that so offensive," Johnny says before he slurps down some ramen. He swallows and licks the corner of his lip, sees Jaehyun follow his action. He smiles, "Anyone should be honored to go out with you."  
  
Jaehyun chuckles, "You're making me out to be an angel Johnny-"  
  
"Because you are." He answers without a beat.  
  
"John." Jaehyun tilts his head, I was also- _well_ \- an asshole."  
He stirred the broth of their hotpot and added some more vegetables and squid. "I was Mr. Know it all. The hot guy on the block. I've broken my fair share of hearts."  
  
Johnny chops down on some veggies and looks at Jaehyun from the corner of his eye. The man frowns before he continues. "It's funny how you can think you're all that. You spend your whole life being praised and swooned over-" He stops stirring and watches the broth bubble, "And then you collapse on the field where everyone can see you. Are told that you aren't allowed to play again, _Ever_ and have to change your entire way of living."  
  
Johnny puts down his chopsticks and scoots closer in the booth, wraps a hand around Jaehyun's waist and pulls him closer. He goes willingly, slightly leans against Johnny. "Still an angel." Johnny says and he brushes a stray lock out of the way.  
  
Jaehyun lets out a breath. "You have a strange way of trying to cheer me up Mr.Suh."  
  
Johnny smiles, grabs his chopsticks again. He shrugs before he speaks. "I didn't know that Jaehyun. I know this Jaehyun. People grow, people change. For the better or for the worst. We're all human."  
  
Jaehyun watches him in silence.  
  
"You always do that. I'm just being honest."  
  
"I know." Jaehyun says after a moment. "I just think it's funny how-" Johnny looks at him again, "-You keep saying I'm an angel, but clearly you're the real one."  
  


  
  


  
✽

_Day 728_

-  
  


  
Johnny looks up when he feels something slip onto his head. It's soft and warm. Jaehyun pats his head before walking around the couch and taking a seat next to him.  
He holds out a hand mirror. "What do you think?"  
  
Johnny peers into the small object, looks at his reflection. There is a grey knit beanie on his head, snug and fluffy. "Wow-," he says lifting a hand to run his fingers over the soft pattern. "-When did you make this?"  
  
"I've been working on it for awhile now. I have made others, but I wasn't happy with them. I wanted it to be perfect."  
  
"Well it is," Johnny says before he removes it to get a better look. Jaehyun's work was far from professional, but there was always something warm about it, like he laced and knit with love at the tips of his fingers. "I can't believe you've only been doing this for three years."  
  
"Three years and a childhood filled with whining while my mom showed me how to make scarves." Jaehyun laughed, "I'm glad she did. Now I have something to do besides sitting around."  
  


  
✽

_Day 751_

-  
  


  
Mark stares at Johnny in silence. Xuxi who had been draped over his shoulder had risen to his full length, tears welling in his eyes. "What?"  
  
"He has a few years left." Mark just stares, motionless and Xuxi start balling, buries his face in Mark's neck as he cries. "I thought I'd tell you. You deserve to know."  
  
"Hey guys." Jaehyun smiles as he steps into the hall. "Foods read- Xuxi why are you crying??" He walks over and Xuxi looks up at a worried Jaehyun, rises off Mark and pulls him in a hug. Jaehyun looks to Johnny, who frowns. Realization washes over his fine features just as Mark turns to him. He gives a small smile in return. "Oh."  
  
"Jae," Mark starts, "I'm so sorry. The basketball the-"  
  
"It's okay Markie," Jaehyun smiles, rubbing over Xuxi's back. "You had no way of knowing."  
  


  
\---  
  


  
"Are you mad I told them?"  
  
"No." Jaehyun answers from where he is pressed to Johnny's side. Snowflakes gently fall onto his hair, breath coming out over his scarf in a small puff as they stroll down the sidewalk. It had been growing colder again, temperature dropping lower every day. "I'd rather told them myself, but I never know how to bring it up. So I am happy you did. I am sad I had to see them like that though."  
  
Johnny hums, smiles lightly when he feels Jaehyun's hands wrap tighter around his arm.  
  


  
  


✽

_Day 782_

-  
  


  
Jaehyun's low hums fill the space as Johnny's fingers move over the keyboard, play David Newman's _Once Upon A December."_  
  
Jaehyun's head is rest on Johnny's shoulder as he stares outside and a moment later Johnny's head lowers to rest against his.  
  
Jaehyun stops humming and they sit there silently together until the song comes to an end. It silent for a moment before Jaehyun asks. "Play it again?"  
  
And Johnny's fingers touch the keys once more.  
  


  
✽

_Day 812_

-

  
  
"You're leaving so early."  
  
Johnny looks up from where he is zipping his bag closed. Jaehyun is stood in the door way of the bedroom. He holds his breath as his eyes run over the disheveled hair and the creamy white skin that pokes from beneath his oversized shirt.  
  
"Yeah." He says finally. "Did I wake you?"  
  
"Kind of. I wanted to snuggle, but you weren't there."  
  
Johnny takes the few steps towards Jaehyun, closes the distance before he brushes a lock out of his face. "We can snuggle when I am back?"  
  
Jaehyun hums grabbing his hand. He kisses it softly and Johnny's heart clenches. Suddenly he doesn't want to go. "Okay. Be safe."  
  
"I will."  
  


  
  


✽

_Day 843_

-  
  


  
"She was my sister!"  
  
"Oh my God." Johnny breaths wide eyed. Jaehyun mimics his expression, nodding. "I might have to buy that one."  
  
"I know right? I want to figure out what led to this." He closes the book and places it under his arm with the other he had picked out earlier. "Okay you next."  
  
Johnny's eyes run over the books silently then he reaches out and picks a small black one. "Vixen." He says before he opens it to a random page. His brows shoot up and Jaehyun smiles.  
  
"He pressed down harder, cut her circulation just a tad more. Yes baby just like that she moaned-" Johnny's brows shot up more and Jaehyun muffled his laugh behind his hand. "Harder. H-Harder?" Johnny stuttered out as blush crept into his cheeks.  
  
"Pfff Hahaha."  
  
"Not fair." Johnny huffs once he's placed the book back on the shelf.  
  
"Oh please." Jaehyun says as his eyes scan over the varying colors. "That BDSM one I picked up was worse."  
  
"Was it though?"  
  
Jaehyun gives him a sly smile before he opens the light pink book he just grabbed.  
  
"I don't care what you've done. I don't care that you murdered all those people-" Jaehyun's voice lowers, his eyes running over the lines, "-I love you. I have loved you for so long now. Being a part from you hurts. Living without you hurts. You don't have to love me. You can use me. I don't care. Just please. Let me love you."  
  
He stands there in silence until Johnny reaches from behind him and closes the book. His hands are warm when he gently pulls it from his fingers. "I think that's enough. Let's go to the cafe downstairs. I saw they have a great order today."  
  
"John." Jaehyun starts and Johnny looks down when he turns and looks up at him.  
  
"Yeah?" He asks as he slips the book back onto the shelf.  
  
"I love you."  
  
Johnny freezes, eyes widening. His mouth opens like he wants to say something, but he seems speechless as he stares down at Jaehyun.  
  
"You know that right?" Jaehyun's lips quiver as he looks up unsure. "You don't think I am using you right? That you're expendable? I do love you."  
  
"I just- Have I ever?" Johnny wraps his arms around him and pulls him close. Jaehyun can feel his breath against his neck. "Have I ever said it? I'm so sorry. I do love you. I would have never-"  
  
Johnny shushed him, swayed him in his arms. "You don't have to explain yourself. All that matters to me is that you're here."  
  
Jaehyun sniffles, hand tangling into Johnny's shirt. "Don't cry. I told you I can't bear to see you sad."  
  
"I love you." Jaehyun peeps, nose buried as he sniffles softly. "I love you."  
  
"I know Jaehyun. I love you too."  
  


  
✽

_Day 874_

-  
  


  
"You okay back there?"  
  
Johnny feels arms wrap around him and he feels the vibration of Jaehyun's voice when he hums with his head against Johnny's back. "I'm good. Where are we going?" Jaehyun asks then.  
  
"Nowhere in particular." Johnny steers the bike to dodge some pedestrians. He waves at an old lady before he continues. "Unless you want to."  
  
"I'm fine either way."  
  
Johnny ponders as he pedals. "We can go to that one cafe again." Johnny looks over his shoulder. "Or was it a bakery?"  
  
Jaehyun leans back and looks at him. "The one that didn't have carrot cake at the time?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Bakery. Yeah. Let's go." Jaehyun places his head against Johnny's back again. "We should visit the places we've gone to before again."  
  
"Sounds like a plan."  
  


  
✽

_Day 904_

-  
  


  
"Johnny?"  
  
By the way Jaehyun's voice comes through the speaker he knows something's wrong. He turns and walks away from the small group he'd been taking pictures of.  
  
"Jaehyun? What's wrong? Are you okay?"  
  
"I don't feel well."  
  
Johnny takes a breath. "Are you home?"  
  
"Yes." Jaehyun says softly and Johnny can hear that he's trying to calm his breathing.  
  
"Okay. I'll be there as fast as I can."  
  


\---  
  


  
Jaehyun is lying on the couch when he gets home and his head turns when Johnny races over, eyes opening slowly to look at him when he nears.  
  
"Where does it hurt?"  
  
"My chest." Jaehyun whispers and he sounds worse than before. "I've gathered everything I need."  
  
Johnny looks over at the table and sees the bag, frowns. He grabs it and hooks it on his arm. "You shouldn't push yourself Jae."  
  
"I know, but you do so much for me already."  
  
Johnny leans in and kisses him, once, twice as he wraps him in his arms. "Let's get you to the hospital okay?"  
  
Jaehyun nods lightly, lays his head against Johnny's chest as the latter carries him away.  
  


  
✽

_Day 965_

-  
  


  
"This is kind of romantic."  
  
Johnny arches a brow at Jaehyun. "This _is_ romantic."  
  
"Is that what you were going for?" Jaehyun grins. Johnny places a hand to his chest, fakes sadness. Jaehyun laughs and pushes him lightly. "I know. I know. I am romantic." He mocks, shakes his head a little for emphasis.  
  
Johnny narrows his eyes. "I don't care that we're in public Jaehyun." Jaehyun lifts his hands in submission. The coachman glances back at them and Johnny snickers.  
  
The galloping of the horse fills the silence for a bit before they speak again. Jaehyun pointing out the cathedral they just passed. "The architecture looks amazing."  
  
"We can come back to check it out if you want."  
  
"But we already have so much on our schedule."  
  
Johnny shrugs. "I'm sure we can squeeze it in. We're here so you can get to see Spain anyway. It's no problem."  
  
Jaehyun smiles and scoots closer, the carriage jostling a bit on the tile road. "See. Now _that_ is romantic."  
  
Johnny wraps an arm around him and buries his face in his neck to bite him and Jaehyun laughs out.  
  


  
✽

_Day 995_

-  
  


  
"Are you afraid?"  
  
"Yes." Johnny looks at Jaehyun. The man is sprawled on his bed. It's dark, but the moonlight seeps in and shines over his porcelain skin, makes it shine from where it is peeking from under his shorts and shirt. "I'm frightened beyond believe. Aren't you?"  
  
Jaehyun's eyes trail to Johnny from where they were trained in the ceiling. "No," he whispers. "I trust you."  
  
Johnny heart speeds up. "Don't say that. You have no idea what you do to me."  
  
Jaehyun sits up slowly, crawls to him. His hands sink into the duvet with a soft poof, still right in front of Johnny. "Then show me. I want to see."  
  
"I don't want to hurt you."  
  
Jaehyun cups his cheek, pushes Johnny's long strands out of his face with his other hand before he cups his face with both.  
  
"You won't," he says and he pulls him forward gently. Their eyes locked as he makes Johnny cage him in. "You won't."  
  


\---  
  
  


  
Johnny drowns in it. He drowns in the kisses, soft, deep, passionate and hungry. Lips soft and sweet, much like his skin. It glows in the moonlight, patches of red and blue from where he has sucked, where he has bitten.  
  
He drowns in his grip, the way his fingers clasp to him and run over his skin. The way his body moves up to feel him.  
  
He drowns in the moans, the moans of pleasure and of his name as he thrust forward into velvety heat. He drowns into the way Jaehyun's mouth falls open. Into the sound of his soft pants but most of all he drown in his eyes.  
  
In the way Jaehyun looks at him, begs him for everything and Johnny gives and gives. Kneads flesh with his finger tips and whispers how much he loves when he buries himself deeper, deeper. Places searing kisses to Jaehyun's neck, jaw, ears and lips continuously as he sinks his hands in hair, pulls him closer and makes love like he never has before.  
  
"I love you." He hears Jaehyun whisper-pant into his ear, legs locking around his hips as he clutches to him, breath hot on Johnny's ear as he moans. "I love you Johnny. I love you so much-oh!"  
  


  
✽

_Day 1026_

-  
  


  
"How long have you been together?"  
  
Johnny has his face pressed into Jaehyun's side as the latter plays Mortal Kombat with Xuxi.  
  
"About uhm- six years ish?" Mark answers, since Xuxi is too focused on button mashing the controller into oblivion, eyes focused on the screen. Mark takes a bite from his pizza. "Seven in a few months."  
  
"That's quite awhile," Jaehyun continues as he tries to break Xuxi's hold on him, counters with a tackle and smiles when Xuxi groans.  
  
"Yeah." Mark nudges his foot forward from where he is seated on the ground, runs it passed Xuxi's foot and his boyfriend shifts immediately, nudges his foot forward as far as he can. Mark smiles. "Xuxu."  
  
Xuxi looks down at him and Mark's smile widens. Jaehyun takes the opportunity and beats the last of his hp away, performs a fatality which had Xuxi whine. "That's not fair! Mark distracted me!"  
  
He pouts and Mark crawls over the floor, lifts himself into his lap. "Sorry baby," he coos, placing a kiss to Xuxi's cheek. Xuxi continues to pout, yawns, but he buries his face in Mark's neck, pulls him close. Mark pats his head and smiles at Jaehyun, who smiles back.  
  
"Johnny." Jaehyun questions looking down to where his boyfriend has his arms wraps around his middle. "Are you awake?"  
  
Johnny stays motionless and Jaehyun is about to wake him, but Mark surprises him by saying. "You can stay you know?"  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Yeah." Mark is snuggling into Xuxi's hold more, the latter twisting his head to give Jaehyun a smile.  
  
"Johnny used to stay here a lot before he met you." Xuxi says nestling back into the soft couch. "He has some clothes somewhere in the wardrobe."  
  
He yawns. "You can like. Sleep here or in our bed. I don't care. I'm not moving anymore."  
  
Mark chuckles and gets up. Xuxi whines at the loss, but he says nothing when Mark leaves and returns with blankets and some pillows. Jaehyun accepts some with a smile, maneuvers Johnny so he can lie next to him. Johnny wraps an arms around him easily, pulls him close before his light snores start again.  
  
"Goodnight." Jaehyun whispers as he watches Mark mount Xuxi once more, large blanket around his shoulders. Mark mutters a goodnight before he wraps the blanket around them both, rests his head on Xuxi's chest to sleep.  
  
Jaehyun smiles, snuggling closer to Johnny, laces their fingers together before he closes his eyes and lets sleep take him.  
  


  
✽

_Day 1056_

-

  
  
Johnny walks into the kitchen, a hand scratching the hairs at his lower stomach. "Good morning," he grumbled to Jaehyun even before he sees him. It's habit now. Jaehyun rises early, places a kiss to Johnny's lips and leaves to prepare breakfast before the larger man saunters out of bed.  
  
"Morning." Jaehyun says. This too is habit. He doesn't have to tell Johnny that his breakfast is on the table. A delectable meal besides a coffee made to his liking.  
  
Johnny pauses, head tilting lightly as he watches Jaehyun. He's doing the dishes he's used, hair still disheveled and in his sleepwear. Which Johnny is staring at. Jaehyun is only wearing a light-blue shirt and his grey boxers as he scrubs at the frying pan he had used to bake eggs and sausages.  
  
"Good morning Jaehyun." Johnny mumbles into Jaehyun's ear, hands wrapping around his bare thighs slowly, they knead the flesh lazily, caress with care. Jaehyun hums as Johnny flushes against him, feels his abs through his thin shirt as he presses close. Johnny is pressing kisses to his neck when he places the pan aside and dries his hands.  
  
"Your food will get cold," he says, a smile curling on his lips.  
  
Johnny hums this time, pulls away from where he was sucking a hickie to the pale skin of Jaehyun's neck. He spins him around and bodily presses him to the sink. Jaehyun can feel his growing erection.  
  
"Doesn't matter." Johnny grumbles before he catches Jaehyun's lips in a kiss as lazy as his morning.  
  
He loves this, he loves Jaehyun and if he ended up sucking his beautiful boyfriend off on the kitchen table before he had breakfast no one needed to know.  
  


  
✽

_Day 1087_

-

  
Johnny watches as Jaehyun shakes out a small flower, untangles its roots before he places it in a new pot.  
  
"You're so kind to him. Thank you for that."  
  
"He's kind to me." Johnny says as he looks down beside him, accepts the drink Ms. Jung hands him. "You have an amazing son."  
  
"You love him."  
  
"You say that like I'm trying to hide it ma'am."  
  
She's silent for a moment as they watch Jaehyun in the morning sun. "Johnny-- You know he's-" she trails off.  
  
Johnny watches Jaehyun wipe the sweat off his brow and brush his hand across his face before he looks up. He smiles at Johnny, one of his dimples stained by some dirt. Johnny smiles back.  
  
"Yes ma'am."  
  


  
✽

_Day 1110_

-  
  


  
 _"Leaves from the vine, falling so slow. Like fragile tiny shells ... drifting in the foam. Little soldier boy. Come marching home. Brave soldier boy, comes marching home.."_  
  
"Now I don't know if I like your version or Iroh's better."  
  
Jaehyun laughs lowly from where he is laid partially on Johnny, head rest against his shoulder as he watches the end credits for _The Tales of Ba Sing Se_. He turns his neck and looks at Johnny. "I don't have anything on Iroh. I haven't actually lost a son."  
  
Johnny laughs now, wraps an arm around his waist and caresses slowly. "I think I'd still choose you. I love your voice."  
  
"That's sweet." The next episode loads. "I'd sing more if I could."  
  
"The amount you sing is enough." He turns his head and buries his nose in Jaehyun's hair. "Everything you do is enough."  
  
Katara starts reciting the ancient legacy again. "Thank you Johnny."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For everything."  
  


  
✽

_Day 1141_

-  
  


  
Johnny sits quietly, watches Jaehyun smile at him past the candle in the middle of the table as _Heaven_ by Jamie Foxx plays in the background.  
  
"What's wrong Johnny?  
  
Johnny shakes his head. "Nothing. I'm just....appreciating the view."  
  
Jaehyun purses his lips. "Smooth."  
  
"Just being honest. Thank you for dinner. It was amazing."  
  
Jaehyun smiles again, pushes his chair back to get up. "We aren't done yet." He blows out the candle and the kitchen falls to darkness. Johnny has to blink a few times so his eyes can get used to it.  
  
Jaehyun grabs his hand and guides him up, silently walks him to the bedroom. _Their_ bedroom. Jaehyun is a part of his life now. It still feels surreal. The _'Welcome home'_ when he steps inside. The breakfast and the dinners. The crafting items scattered over some surfaces, the plants that have been slowly accumulating over time and the hums when he is working on some pictures for a client.  
  
Jaehyun is everywhere. _Everything_.  
  
"What's the occasion?" He asks when he's pushed into the pillows, Jaehyun straddling him.  
  
Jaehyun lifts his shirt, his hair falls down softly when he’s pulled it off and he smiles. "There is no occasion." He grabs Johnny's hands and guides them onto his chest, runs them down. "I just love you."  
  
Johnny pushes himself up, wraps his arms around Jaehyun to hold him in place. Jaehyun wraps his arms around his neck, kisses him before he whispers.  
  
"Touch me Johnny."  
  


  
✽

_Day 1171_

-  
  


"It never ceases to fascinate me how they move," Jaehyun whispers. He's been watching the play with ninety percent of his attention. The other ten was solely reserved for leaning in and talking to Johnny.  
  
He's happy he decided to buy the tickets. Jaehyun had been talking about all the contemporary dance and ballet videos he'd been watching lately and Johnny just happened to see the poster up by the park where he was holding his shoot.

  
\---

  
"Did you like it?" He questioned as they walked down the theaters stairs. Jaehyun's hand was snuggly wrapped around his. He could feel the softness of his hands even through the fabric of his sweater.  
  
"I loved it." Jaehyun smiled. "You're really so sweet."  
  
"You're the one that pulled me into the idea of trying everything and even if it isn't really my thing I'll comeback if you want to. Anything for you."  
  
The smile Jaehyun gave him was worth it.  
  


  
✽

_Day 1201_

-  
  


  
"Uhm."  
  
"What do you think?"  
  
"Just as cute as the last one, but-"  
  
"Great! I'm going to try a dolphin next."  
  
Johnny lightly squeezed the small bunny in his hand, watched as Jaehyun stuck pins into the fluffy blue fabric for a new plushy. "Jae don't you think you made enough?"  
  
"Hmm?" Jaehyun hummed as he pulled his sewing machine forward.  
  
"I mean don't get me wrong. I love the plushies, but you've been at it for hours."  
  
"One more."  
  
Johnny sighs. "Okay but this is the last one."  
  
Johnny thought Jaehyun meant one more plush, but in truth he meant one more hour. And one led into two, then three. Until Johnny had to drag Jaehyun away from his sewing kit with cries of "I can make a kangaroo now!! Let me make the kangaroo!!"  
  


  
✽

_Day 1262_

-  
  


  
"Would you model for me?"  
  
Jaehyun looks up from his phone, brows furrowing as he watches Johnny tweak his camera's settings. "Uhm-I don't have any experience."  
  
Johnny chuckles, "That's not a no."  
  
"Well I mean-," he places his phone down. "-I'd love to. If you could maybe teach me? I'd do it."  
  
"You don't have to do much Jaehyun. You look beautiful doing anything."  
  
"The face I make when I use a lot of force to move something disagrees."  
  
Johnny laughs, shaking his head and lifts his camera to his face. "Just do what you usually do. That'll be perfect."  
  


\---  
  


  
It was for his portfolio at first. Felt it was a must to have Jaehyun presented in his work, but at some point it had grown into his own little _Appreciating Jaehyun's Beauty Project._  
  
Eating. Reading. Cooking. Cleaning. Painting. Knitting. Playing video games. Staring at the sunset. Watering his plants. And then he snapped pictures of Jaehyun when he was asleep, breath even and lashes casting shadows on his cheeks.  
  
It was for his portfolio first, but now....  
  


  
"Tilt your head up a bit. Perfect. Now lay it down on your arms. Just a little more to the left. Beautiful."  
  
Jaehyun gave a small smile as he turned onto his back, scarf shifter ever so slightly around his middle. He laid his hands against the sheets, splayed himself open as Johnny rose to his feet to catch the new angle.  
  
He was beautiful. Johnny would never find another word more fitting. Jaehyun was all porcelain pale, soft pink and lean. Muscles, neglected due to time were soft on his skin, small scars a mark of the life he used to live.  
  
Jaehyun's eyes trail along with the lens, watched as Johnny stopped speaking altogether and only the clicking of the camera was heard.  
  
A few minutes passed, maybe five, maybe ten, but Johnny only stilled when Jaehyun cast his eyes up at him again. His eyes running over Johnny and that small smile appearing again.  
  
Johnny lowers his camera. "How long w-"  
  
"Only a few minutes."  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"Don't be. I love seeing you work. Seeing you drown into your own thoughts is fascinating."  
  
Jaehyun still hasn't moved. He's still sprawled open for Johnny to see, chest rising and falling slowly. Johnny runs a hand over his stomach, over the lines of his fading abs. Jaehyun watches his digits trail up, up, up, before he cupped his face and stared into his eyes.  
  
"I-" Johnny trails off.  
  
"Don't know how to explain how I feel about you?" Jaehyun finishes in a whisper. He grabs Johnny's hand, kisses is like he always does. "I know," he continues as he pulls him down onto the duvet. Johnny places his camera on the nightstand and sinks next to him.  
  
"I love you." Johnny says, because that is all he can muster. Jaehyun smiles and runs his fingers through Johnny's hair. _He_ lets his fingers trail now as he speaks.  
  
"You love my smile. The way I speak." He runs his fingers over Johnny's forehead, down his nose, over his lips, presses against the plump skin slightly. "You love how I laugh and my ability to try everything. The way I go through life as if I have no time, because I don't."  
  
Johnny's expression sorrows and his lips move to speak, but Jaehyun presses a digit against them and shakes his head.  
  
"You love how I moan and clasp to you." He runs his finger down the line of Johnny's jaw, down his neck. "You love that I love you as you love me."  
  
"Jaehyun-"  
  
Jaehyun flushes closer, runs his hands under Johnny's shirt and plants a kiss under his jaw. He holds his lips there as he whispers, breath hot against skin.  
  
"It's insatiable, unstable and ruthless. Eats you alive like a starved predator and yet spits you out as if you aren't a worthy meal." He kisses again, sucks lightly as his fingers run over the expanse of skin, abs, tug at the waistband of Johnny's sweats where he is already growing. "It's painful. Is it not?" He questions. "Loving me?"  
  
Johnny twists his head down, clasps Jaehyun's face in his hands and stares into his eyes. They are glassy, open as tears sit on his lashes.  
  
"It is," he breaths, eyes closing as he presses his head to Jaehyun's, "It is painful loving you angel."  
  
He captures his lips in hard kiss, deep and searing as he forces Jaehyun back. "But I'll risk it." He says when he pulls away. "I'll love you. Even if it kills me. For the rest of my life. I will be loving you."  
  
"Johnny." Jaehyun sobs, tears streaming down as Johnny kisses him. Again and again and again. Lets his actions speak and show Jaehyun how he feels.  
  
"Don't cry. I love you."  
  


\---

  
Jaehyun covers his eyes as the tears continue down his cheeks, sinks into the pillow under his head as he moans. Johnny comes forward to pry them away, leans forward and kisses Jaehyun's temple, his cheeks, his nose, his eyes.  
  
"I love you Jaehyun." He moans into his flushed ear as he drives forward hard, the only thing keeping Jaehyun still the arms wrapped around his shoulders as he jostles up. He whimpers lowly, clenches around Johnny and continues to cry as he clasps to his back for dear life. "God I love you so much."  
  
Jaehyun nods, "I love you too. I love you too John. I-" he swallows, controls his breaths as he feels his orgasm nearing. Johnny rises onto his arms and watches him. He caresses his cheek and shushes him.  
  
"Breath baby. Breath for me. You're almost there." He reassures as he thrusts in deep, brushes against Jaehyun's prostate continuously. Jaehyun cums with a soft sigh as he stares into Johnny's eyes, seemingly sinks into the sheets more as Johnny runs soothing circles into his neck, fucks him til his own climax.  
  
He showers Jaehyun in kisses, praises him for allowing him such a gift, such a blessing and Jaehyun caresses his cheek with a tired smile.  
  
"Are you okay? Do you need anything? Does anything feel off?"  
  
Jaehyun curled into Johnny's side again. "Perfect," he whispered, "absolutely perfect."  
  
Johnny ran a hand down his back, caressed. "Are you sure?"  
  
Jaehyun chuckled lazily, sleep already sinking into his bones. "I'm sure. You've been nothing but good to me and if anything happens you're here." He runs a hand over Johnny's middle and presses him close. "When you're here everything will be okay."

  
  


  
✽

_Day 1352_

-  
  


  
Johnny is hanging off Jaehyun, head hooked over his shoulder and hands absently running over the skin under his shirt as he watches his boyfriend lift a hand with pills to his mouth.  
  
Jaehyun drinks some water before he tilts his head back, Addams-apple bopping as he swallows before his fingers press out the remaining pills.  
  
Routine. Yellow, white, red, pink, large, small. Johnny sees them every day. They are stored away in his cupboards until the sun rises and Jaehyun retrieves them.  
  
Jaehyun lifts his hands again, pushes them past his soft pink lips, drinks. He presses the back of his hand to his mouth this time, empty cup in his hand as he sighs with his face up.  
  
Johnny grabs the cup gently and places it down. "Don't feel well today?" He asks, hand going back to the warm soft skin under Jaehyun's shirt.  
  
Jaehyun hums in lieu of answering, sinks against Johnny and he in turn stands now, supports Jaehyun's weight.  
  
"Should I tell Jongdae you aren't coming in today?"  
  
Another hum.  
  
Johnny fishes Jaehyun's phone from the counter and a smile curls onto Jaehyun's lips when the soft music fills the air.  
  
"I thought you were going to tell Jongdae." His voice finally comes, hands coming up and wrapping around Johnny's that have come to rest around his waist.  
  
"That can wait," Johnny says planting a kiss in his hair, "This is more important."  
  
Jaehyun chuckles, head rest against Johnny's shoulder. But he says nothing when he's swayed side to side as Beethoven's _Appassionata_ plays. He simply tightens his grip around Johnny's hands and lets himself be taken by the music and his love.  
  


  
✽

_Day 1412_

-  
  


  
"Ah!" Jaehyun grins as he holds the small piece of chocolate cake in front of Johnny's face. "Come on! Ah!"  
  
Johnny pulls his nose, but opens his mouth. Jaehyun grins as he pushes the small piece in, licks his fingers and laughs when Johnny squeezes him closer. He adjusts in Johnny's lap, wraps the latter's head to his chest as he laughs again.  
  
"How much cake are you going to feed me huh?" The words come out muffled from Jaehyun's chest, Johnny pressing his nose there.  
  
"Until your round and soft. Then you'll finally look like the teddy bear that you are!"  
  
"I'm a teddy bear now?"  
  
"Yes! Mine," Jaehyun smiles. Johnny looks up and they sway gently as Jaehyun cradles his head. "All mine."  
  
The wind blows, rustles the trees and the blanket they've lain down on the grass. The picnic basket and their shoes are the only things keeping it down.  
  
The birds are chirping, a baby is crying in the distance. There is the sound of laughter.  
  
The sun is still high in the sky and some rays seep passed the leaves and fall onto them. Jaehyun's cheeks look rosy. Johnny's eyes are a soft honey brown.  
  
Life is perfect.  
  


  
✽  
  


_Day 1457_

-

  
"Yuta is so sweet for letting us use his station."  
  
"I mean-," Johnny lifts a large piece of wood onto the work bench. "-I offered him food."  
  
"Still doesn't mean he has to."  
  
Jaehyun's protective goggles glint slightly. Why does he have to look amazing in everything? Johnny thinks as he watches Jaehyun measure and draw a line over the wood. He's still not used to it.  
  
Jaehyun actually also thinks Johnny looks amazing in everything, but nothing tops shirtless Johnny in only his boxers after a night of making love. His hair disheveled, hickies on his neck and chest as he drinks his morning coffee. Nowadays the only time he gets to make it himself.  
  
"Do you think we can finish it today?"  
  
Johnny laughs as he punches a nail into the wood. "No."  
  
Jaehyun frowns, pouts.  
  
"Don't worry." Johnny laughs. The loud thud of metal being forced into wood fills the space again. "I'm sure they'll look great when we finish them."  
  
"Then I can move my plants and you can have your table back."  
  
"The table I have been needing for months now?"  
  
"If you start complaining now I will bite you."  
  
"I'm armed." Johnny looks up with a sly smile. "Are you sure you want to tango señor?"  
  
"Johnny Suh. There is a chainsaw on that table and I am not afraid to use it." Jaehyun deadpans.  
  


  
✽

_Day 1501_

-  
  


  
"Happy Birthday." Jaehyun whispers as he slips the gold band onto Johnny's finger. Johnny looks up wide eyed.  
  
"Jae."  
  
"I wanted to get you something." He laughs shaking his head when Johnny lifts a hand. "Not something I made. Not that they hold less worth or anything." Jaehyun turns the two woven bands Johnny's been wearing for a long while now. One of his first gifts when they entered their relationship. His are also snug on his wrist. "Just something for you." He runs his finger over the band. "Something to show how much I love you."  
  
"Thank you." Johnny says and he pulls Jaehyun closer, kisses him lightly. He snickers. "Now I have to pull out something fancy for your birthday."  
  
Jaehyun laughs pulling away. "Let's go to bed. I'm sure you're tired from the party."  
  
"Not tired enough to not lift my beautiful husband to bed like the king he is!" Johnny bellows as he scoops Jaehyun up, the latter laughing.  
  
"Husband? What an amazing title. You'd think we're actually married."  
  
"You gave me a ring. You basically made it official."  
  
"You'll never let me live this down."  
  
"Course not."  
  
They laugh as they fall onto the bed, crawl under the covers and snuggle close.  
  
"Jaehyun Suh doesn't sound so bad. Or do you prefer Johnny Jung?" Johnny gasps. "Johnny Jung-Suh."  
  
Jaehyun laughs. "Jaehyun Jung-Suh?"  
  
Johnny smiles. "That sounds amazing."  
  
"We could still do it."  
  
Johnny pushes himself up a bit, looks down at Jaehyun with hope in his eyes. "Would you?"  
  
"Yes. I would love you in sickness and in health. Til death do us part."  
  
Johnny lowers himself and kisses Jaehyun full on the mouth. Jaehyun sighs into it, wraps his hands around Johnny.  
  
"I do." Johnny whispers to his lips with a smile. "I love you."  
  
"I love you too. I always will. Now come to beeeed."  
  
Johnny laughs quietly, pulls Jaehyun to his chest and snuggles his nose into his hair. "I love you."  
  


  
✽

_Day 1504_

-  
  


  
Jaehyun laughs. "That's so like Mark.”

“Xuxi likes him a lot. I'm sure you will too." Johnny says as he stares at Jaehyun’s back.  
  
"Taeyong right? He seems sweet. I can't wait." Jaehyun dries his hands and walks around the kitchen table, places a kiss to Johnny's temple and rubs a hand over his back.  
  
"Do you want help setting up the table?" Johnny asks as he watches Jaehyun open the cupboards. Jaehyun shakes his head with a smile.  
  
"Nah. You sit right there. Tell me more about your day," he says pulling out two plates.  
  
"Well actually." Johnny smiles. "Remember that guy I told you about?"  
  
Jaehyun places down utensils, "The one that said-," Jaehyun's eyes narrow, "-he was looking for photographers. Shindong?"  
  
"Yeah him." Johnny smiles. "He loves my portfolio."  
  
Jaehyun turns from where he was taking two glasses. "You're kidding."  
  
Johnny shakes his head, smile widening. "Nope. He loves your pictures specifically. Even wants to meet you when I go sign tomorrow."  
  
"Tomorrow!?" Jaehyun’s smile spreads slowly, eyes twinkling and dimples deepening as he scampers over, places down the two glasses to hug Johnny. "That's amazing Johnny!! You finally get to work with a huge magazine!"  
  
He kisses him and jumps lightly, causing Johnny to smile and pull him down more, deepen the kiss until Jaehyun sighs. He's about to sink onto Johnny's lap when the oven dings.  
  
"The Pasta." He whispers to Johnny's lips and pecks him once more before he pulls away. "I'm happy I decided to make this today then. Perfect for the occasion."  
  
Johnny laughs and watches Jaehyun slip on his mitten and open the oven with his free hand, before he grabs the table cloth to reach in. "Lucky me for having the best cook as a boyfriend."  
  
Jaehyun laughs as he turns with the pasta in his hands, he still has that bright smile on his face, can't seem to stop as he starts walking towards the table. "Oh John. You-"  
  
It's only a second.  
  
Jaehyun's smile falls and he gasps lightly, dish slipping from his hands and Johnny moves so fast his chair clatters to the floor.  
  
His arms wrap around Jaehyun the moment the pasta hits the floor and the glass shatters with a loud crash.  
  
"Jaehyun!"  
  
Jaehyun slumps down against him and Johnny panics. "Jae! Breath..breath!" He pulls the mitten off and Jaehyun clasps his hand, his shirt. His eyes dart up, mouth opening a bit as if he wants to speak. "Jaehyun breath!!"  
  
His eyes lock with Johnny's and he smiles. Johnny's eyes widen and his breath ceases, comes out like stutters as he watches the life seep out of Jaehyun's eyes, grip loosening and head falling limply against his chest.  
  
"No. No. Nononononononono-Jaehyun.-Jaehyun. Jaehyun." Johnny's throat clogs, as tears start to form in his eyes. "Jaehyun please," he forces out as he holds his limp frame, presses him impossibly closer, clutches to him.  
  
He's shaking, sinking to floor as tears start rolling down his face. "Jaehyun. Please,” he begged again as Jaehyun lay motionless in his arms, chest still even though Johnny's hand was pressed firmly to it.  
  
"Please," Johnny begged, "Please open your eyes. Talk to me. We’re going to celebrate right? Get married. Jaehyun I love you please. Please don't leave me. Please don't leave me," he begged as he rocked back and forth. "Please!"  
  
 _"JAEHYUN!!!"_

  
  


  
  
✽  
  


_“Day 1581.”_

-

  
_Dear John,  
  
I wasn't sure what to put on the last page of my scrapbook, but I figured since it's yours now that a letter to you would be best.  
  
I... I wanted to have this conversation with you, but you never gave me the chance.  
  
I knew that I would be leaving you and I never wanted to tell you that to your face. Looking back now... I don't think I'll be able to tell you without breaking down myself. I believe that won't change until the end.  
  
You just make me want to live. I forget that I'm sick when I'm with you. I.. want to live with you.. forever. But I know I can't and I feel like I'm being selfish if I bring it up, because you don't want to leave. You won't leave me... You have no idea how happy that makes me.  
  
You have no idea how much I love you and how much you've done for me. I don't want to go. I don't want to leave you Johnny, but I have to.  
  
I'm so sorry. I can't say be strong, because even I can't.  
But I just want to tell you that you changed my life.  
  
The last years of my life are the best. I never thought I could ever be this happy again. Or well this is the happiest I have ever been. You.. are amazing and I don't deserve you.  
  
You make me smile... every day _

_and that I don't know how to repay._

_Haha that rhymed. Uh anyway.  
  
I wanted to fill this scrapbook with memories of myself. To show that.. I lived for something. Even though I didn't know what that something was when I bought it.  
  
But then I met you and you entered my life so calmly, so strong. _

_It's hard not to want you. Hard not to fall in love with you more every day, even though I don't want to hurt you.  
  
I found what I want to live for and I have you to thank for that.  
It's only fair that you find something too. So please. When I'm gone. Live for something. _

_Live for me?  
  
No words can describe what I want to tell you. So I hope that in this last year I can show you.  
  
Thank you Johnny  
I love you  
I always will  
  
_

_  
Yours forever,  
Jaehyun_   
  


  
✽

_“Day 3330.”_

-  
  


  
Johnny sits as the wind blows through his hair. It's silent, much like that day. That day he met a beautiful angel, so many years ago.  
  
He still remembers his face, his voice, his smile.  
  
The sun starts setting on the horizon."It's getting late." He starts. "Let's go home."  
  
"We can stay a little longer if you want." He looks down at where Taeyong's head is rest against his shoulder. "We can stay for as long as you need."  
  
Johnny smiles lightly, places a kiss on his head. Taeyong looks up, smiles back warmly and squeezes his hand. "You say that every year."  
  
"I mean it every year." It's silent for a moment, only the wind blowing again. "What would he have said?"  
  
Johnny chuckles. "That I'm wasting time sitting here. That I should go live.” He smiles, “Scold you for not taking me out." Johnny sighs. "But he's worth it. He's worth it because he lived for me." Johnny whispers.

The wind picks up and the leaves bristle, blows past him and Taeyong, blows him back eight years to when Jaehyun turned and looked at him. His eyes foreign as he stared through the lens of his camera. Blows back to when he smiled for the first time.

"The least I can do for him is live on with you."  
  


  
✽

_Day 529_

-  
  


  
"Jaehyun?"  
  
"Yes?" Jaehyun's voice comes, soft into the cool air of the night.  
  
The stars dance in the night sky above them, shimmer beautifully. They had been deciphering the constellations a moment ago. A moment before they had fallen silent and simply laid in the back of Johnny's pickup truck, layers of blankets and pillows stuffed in so they were comfortable. It was Jaehyun's idea, of course it was.  
  
"Your scrapbook." Johnny starts, turning his head to look at the beautiful man. Jaehyun hums. "It says live for something."  
  
Another hum.  
  
"Do you-," he swallows, "Live for something?"  
  
Jaehyun is silent for a moment, eyes slightly trailing over the stars and then his head turns, hair rustling a bit before he looks at Johnny.  
  
"I do," he says voice still so soft. He reaches over and grabs Johnny's hand, laces their fingers together.  
  
"I live for you."

  
  


  
✽  
  


  
_What would you live for?_

_  
4something?  
4someone?  
  
“Live 4me  
As I've lived  
4you”  
  
_

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**Author's Note:**

> It's good Friday for me today. Idk if that is how you say it in English? The day Jesus died. Kind of fitting... in a way. I'm happy I got to post it today.  
> ;~;
> 
> Songs.  
> Mr. Gloomy - Baek Yerin (Johnny recommended it on his birthday live)  
> Once Upon A December (Piano version) - David Newman (Anastasia is one of my fav movies)  
> Leaves From The Vine (Watch Avatar the last Airbender or perish)  
> Heaven - Jamie Foxx (One of Jaehyun's favorite songs. Played it in the relay vid)  
> Appassioneta - Beethoven (Slow Waltz)
> 
> Please talk to me about the fic I worked so hard on it. Here are some small bonuses bc I don't wanna shut up yet.  
> 1\. The numbers at the beginning is Jaehyun's death counter  
> 2\. All the days numbered, is Jaehyun writing them down in his scrapbook until he doesn't. Two specifically are said aloud bc he is gone. They are said by Johnny bc he started counting the days after Jaehyun passed.  
> 3\. At some point Jaehyun crosses out his counter and instead chooses to write the amount of days he's spent with Johnny.  
> 4\. The single time I wrote two weeks instead of a day is special bc the date at the very end is the date right after those two weeks.  
> 5\. If you pay attention to the date when Jae passed and the date Johnny speaks out. (Jae's letter) You'll see how much time passed before Johnny could touch Jaehyun's scrapbook.  
> 6\. Jaehyun died a few days before his birthday, a few days after Johnny's.  
> 7\. I suck at math, but it's about 5 years after Jae passed when Johnny is in the park with Taeyong.
> 
> Edit:  
> A little thing I forgot shfd (oops)  
> 8\. Besides all that 4Something means and began to mean when I progressed in writing this.  
> Its first meaning was always.  
> "Jaehyun has 4Something years to live and he'll spend those 4Something years with Johnny."
> 
> I hope you like it. I cried writing this. Jaehyun baby I love you so much. *sobs*


End file.
